Jul
27

3 Weeks

Well another lapse in posts. We are 3-1/2 weeks into the lay off/unemployment. I must say that I am starting to feel a little unsettled. I know intellectually we are going to be fine but it is the small reality in my head that keeps sending little fits of insecurity through me. Luckily the relationship is able to handle it. We are both trying to be rational enough to understand where each others irrational is coming from and so far it is working. It helps that Steve has stepped up and helped out around the house quite a bit. I must say I haven’t gone into the grocery store for 3 weeks now.

I found this picture so fitting because the retards in Washington and the duchebags.. woops I meant Tea Baggers are playing games in Washington while so many suffer because there are no jobs.
 
On the other hand, last week was a fun week at work because I got to install and set up a Business Objects Enterprise server and we had a couple of consultants come in and work on a proof of concept for my company. IT was great to feel useful and interact with consulants. It also made me miss consulting …hmmm.,maybe…????

By Thursday there was a little sadness that I encountered. I finally made an appointment with a doctor for a complete physical. (not the sad part) I went mostly to relieve some of my fears about my memory loss I was encountering. Because I watch way too much Grey’s Anatomy and my grandma suffered from Alzheimers; I was feeling like I was getting an early onset. My doctor didn’t seem to agree but we will see what the futre of the test results reveal. While I was waiting to give blood my nephew called all upset and he just kept asking when I could come home from work. I finally got him to calm down enough to explain to me what was going on. He explained that his pet rabbit Roger was dead in the back yard.
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It was his rabbit but my dad had adopted it and it lived at my parents home.
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I have to admit I was really sad myself. I used to call him ‘my bunny’. I would always enter my parents home from the backdoor so I could visit the little guy. He would always come to me because he realized I was the one that would dig his favorite pieces out of his food to give him. So I went to help my nephew bury the rabbit. I ended up having to call Steve to come help roll him up in the blanket I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

The week was topped off by a nice weekend. Lazy with just enough of things to do that it didn’t get boring and it went by way too fast.
Steve and I decided to do a lazy Friday night topped off with Real Time with Bill Maher. Saturday we woke up and went downtown to the SLC Farmers Market.
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We bought some fresh tomatoes, basil, bread and garlic. Saturday night we went to my cousins house for dinner which was enjoyable. Unfortuneately, the 2 cats and dog has played havick with my allergies.
Sunday we went out for 18 holes.
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It was at times frustrating; it was also enjoyable. I do love the sport although I am struggling again with my driver this year which tends to throw the rest of my game into a roller coaster ride. We finished the weekend with homeade briscetta and pasta, pinot grigio and True Blood and Entourage. This is the greatest way to end a weekend and gear up for the following week.

Jul
11

Unemployment Sucks


Well I am going to start to try to make a real effort at maintaining my blog on a regular basis. I hate to think that facebook and twitter have done away with the blogs but 140 characters is not always a bad thing. 12 days ago my husband was laid off from Horrocks Engineers. Now for me I am bitter and pissed off at them but he is being fairly rational about it. We are fortuneate that I have a decent paying job and that we don’t have children but we still have bills and still have stress. So far because of things we had purchased before the news we have been able to completely enjoy the last couple of weekends. Now I am feeling as if reality is settling in and it is a surreal feeling. I have been in fear of this ever since 2007. My previous company had a couple of rounds of lay offs that I missed. But we had become comfortable and I truly believed we would be okay. Sucks when the company is not real with you on their financial situation so you become blind sided. But that is neither here nor there. We are not religious by nature and this experience is not going to make us drop to our knees and start praying. But it did make me realize that we need to believe and have faith that everything is going to be okay and there is a reason for this. Funny I guess that is what religion can offer some people. I did tell Steve no mid life freaking out or drowning yourself in a bottle. We just need to face the struggle with the belief that everything is going to be okay. I guess it is much easier to be optomistic 11 days in. I am not sure how it will be 180 days in.

May
07

Bill Maher Nails It Again with New Rules

May
06

Where Were You on May 1

100/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

Sunday night on May 1st 2011,  I was sitting on the couch watching my recording of Army Wives and pondering the nice day. Realizing that is marked 45 years of my existence on this earth. I sometimes feel that not having children has made me less relevant; especially living in Utah. Child bearing is the career path for most women is Utah, so birthdays can sometimes be a little bit hard to take.

It was about 8:45 PM when Steve came running out into the front room and told me to change the channel to MSNBC. The President of the United States was going to make an announcement. At first I felt a little panicked because of the late hour. I had no idea what was going on and the news anchorman obviously was in no position to tell us. I grabbed my smart phone and started looking at Twitter and I could see that CNN had spilled the beans. So I told Steve to turn the channel and it was then that we learned tha Osama Bin Laden was dead. Good thing I wasn’t watching Fox because I would have thought the President was dead thanks to their news banners with incorrect spelling and their broadcasters who intentionally kept saying the wrong name.

I am what many here in Utah would call a liberal. I don’t feel I am extreme but I do have an open mind and heart. I remember in the 9th grade my history teacher, Mr. Rudelich asked the class, “Who believed in the death penalty” and I raised my hand along with everyone else. He than asked all who would be willing to pull the trigger to keep their hands up. Of course mine went down. He then went on to explain that you could not believe in the death penalty if you were not willing to pull the trigger. That has stuck with me and I have never be a supporter of the death penalty. But I have to be honest….Sunday night I was actually happy and thrilled over someones death. I know I should not have celebrated it but I did; in fact I really enjoyed the news.  It was a great birthday present.

I was not in New York or DC when the 9-11 attacks happened. Thankfully I did not lose anyone close to me when it did occur. I was like so many other Americans who were miles away and glued to the television, donating money and blood. But I still remember that day changed everything for me personally. You see we had been trying  to have a child for 7 years and it was 2 days after the attack I had to go to the doctor for another endometrial biopsy in order to see if the drugs I had been taking had helped me to ovulate and I may be pregnant. Part of the ritual that had been occuring every month for the previous 9 months. Again I was told no such luck. But this time it was different. This time I realized that the world had become an ugly and scary place. I decided that I was not going to medically pursue a child any more. I decided that if God wanted me to get pregnant I would. I knew that I could because of a previous tubular pregnancy so I was going to leave it in his hands.

A couple years later things started to get back to normal, you know before we stupidly went into Iraq. While in Yellowstone I received what some would call a personal revelation or even the Holy Ghost. But sitting amongst the beauty that is this world, a couple drove by on their motorcycle and suddenly a thought popped into my head that I could be happy not having children. Suddenly for the first time in a little over 10 years I felt at peace. It is amazing how wanting something so much can truly depress you and take so much of your time and energy. It was the first time in a long time that I felt happy with my life.

A lot has changed over the last 8 years since I had my revelation. But one thing that hadn’t changed was the fact the Osama Bin Laden had pulled us into a war in Afganistan and given our previous President and excuse to go into Iraq. It has played a HUGE part in crippling this nation financially, even though Conservatives would have you believe differently.

Suddenly I realize where the joy of Bin Laden’s death came from. He took some things from me that I didn’t even realize I had lost.  Worse yet it was not even part of his plan. I hope there is a special place in hell for the man. I know Obama is not the one who killed Bin Laden. We owe our gratitude and freedoms to our Armed Forces. They are so brave and do so much that I could never repay the sacrifices they make. But President Obama is the Commander in Chief that made finding and killing Bin Laden a top priority for the CIA. So those who want to put up facebook posts running him down or those who want to accuse him of being an illegal immigrant who is only looking for political gain… @#!! !@#. We got the bastard and I am glad. I will not be made to fill guilty about it and I am glad to have closure. Now I can go on forward in the new world that unfortuneately Bin Laden did have a hand in molding.

Feb
02

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181/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

Too tired tonight so we blew off the Jazz game. With 53% of their payroll injured I felt I was too tired to deal with the frustration.

Feb
02

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180/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

I am closing in on almost 1/2 year of taking a picture a day. The weather is so cold that I had to stay inside. Grabbed a shot of my Coke bottle collection. Tried for a creative view

Feb
01

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179/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

They are building a new convention center in Provo. I don’t know why but the Christmas tree on the top of the building intrigues me.

Feb
01

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178/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

I know this looks like another lame picture but I actually copied the idea from a picture that Godard had painted. He loves his olives.

Feb
01

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177/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

I came across this old building in Midvale – I never noticed the mural before.

Feb
01

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176/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

An old Bartenura cork. I am so excited the new vintage is out and so now it will not be so hard to come by. I have not yet tried the 2010 vintage. Hope it is as awesome as the 2009.

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