The Jerk Store Called

100/365, originally uploaded by tburning.

Sunday night on May 1st 2011,  I was sitting on the couch watching my recording of Army Wives and pondering the nice day. Realizing that is marked 45 years of my existence on this earth. I sometimes feel that not having children has made me less relevant; especially living in Utah. Child bearing is the career path for most women is Utah, so birthdays can sometimes be a little bit hard to take.

It was about 8:45 PM when Steve came running out into the front room and told me to change the channel to MSNBC. The President of the United States was going to make an announcement. At first I felt a little panicked because of the late hour. I had no idea what was going on and the news anchorman obviously was in no position to tell us. I grabbed my smart phone and started looking at Twitter and I could see that CNN had spilled the beans. So I told Steve to turn the channel and it was then that we learned tha Osama Bin Laden was dead. Good thing I wasn’t watching Fox because I would have thought the President was dead thanks to their news banners with incorrect spelling and their broadcasters who intentionally kept saying the wrong name.

I am what many here in Utah would call a liberal. I don’t feel I am extreme but I do have an open mind and heart. I remember in the 9th grade my history teacher, Mr. Rudelich asked the class, “Who believed in the death penalty” and I raised my hand along with everyone else. He than asked all who would be willing to pull the trigger to keep their hands up. Of course mine went down. He then went on to explain that you could not believe in the death penalty if you were not willing to pull the trigger. That has stuck with me and I have never be a supporter of the death penalty. But I have to be honest….Sunday night I was actually happy and thrilled over someones death. I know I should not have celebrated it but I did; in fact I really enjoyed the news.  It was a great birthday present.

I was not in New York or DC when the 9-11 attacks happened. Thankfully I did not lose anyone close to me when it did occur. I was like so many other Americans who were miles away and glued to the television, donating money and blood. But I still remember that day changed everything for me personally. You see we had been trying  to have a child for 7 years and it was 2 days after the attack I had to go to the doctor for another endometrial biopsy in order to see if the drugs I had been taking had helped me to ovulate and I may be pregnant. Part of the ritual that had been occuring every month for the previous 9 months. Again I was told no such luck. But this time it was different. This time I realized that the world had become an ugly and scary place. I decided that I was not going to medically pursue a child any more. I decided that if God wanted me to get pregnant I would. I knew that I could because of a previous tubular pregnancy so I was going to leave it in his hands.

A couple years later things started to get back to normal, you know before we stupidly went into Iraq. While in Yellowstone I received what some would call a personal revelation or even the Holy Ghost. But sitting amongst the beauty that is this world, a couple drove by on their motorcycle and suddenly a thought popped into my head that I could be happy not having children. Suddenly for the first time in a little over 10 years I felt at peace. It is amazing how wanting something so much can truly depress you and take so much of your time and energy. It was the first time in a long time that I felt happy with my life.

A lot has changed over the last 8 years since I had my revelation. But one thing that hadn’t changed was the fact the Osama Bin Laden had pulled us into a war in Afganistan and given our previous President and excuse to go into Iraq. It has played a HUGE part in crippling this nation financially, even though Conservatives would have you believe differently.

Suddenly I realize where the joy of Bin Laden’s death came from. He took some things from me that I didn’t even realize I had lost.  Worse yet it was not even part of his plan. I hope there is a special place in hell for the man. I know Obama is not the one who killed Bin Laden. We owe our gratitude and freedoms to our Armed Forces. They are so brave and do so much that I could never repay the sacrifices they make. But President Obama is the Commander in Chief that made finding and killing Bin Laden a top priority for the CIA. So those who want to put up facebook posts running him down or those who want to accuse him of being an illegal immigrant who is only looking for political gain… @#!! !@#. We got the bastard and I am glad. I will not be made to fill guilty about it and I am glad to have closure. Now I can go on forward in the new world that unfortuneately Bin Laden did have a hand in molding.